I'm makin' a list...(to the tune of the infamous carol)

In you're in my family, listen up...

If you aren't my family, please still read it, I know at least one of you can relate...

How many times (fellow poor college students) have you had a conversation such as this with a family member?

Grammy: "What do you want for Christmas, dearie?"

You: "I don't know Grammy, how about money?"

Grammy: "But, money isn't a very fun gift... It's just not personal. What else do you want?" 

You: ".... I don't know.... I really, money will be fine." 

Grammy: "Oh how silly. I'll just find you something nice myself." 

One week later.

Grammy: "Well, have you figured out what you want?" 

You (barely able to speak out of frustration): "Grandma, seriously money is the best thing for me right now.."

Grammy: "You are too stubborn. I guess I'll just get you coal." 

So, in response to conversations like the one above...... I have no words...  just this: 

I understand that money isn't the cutest or most personal holiday gift, but there are plenty of "insert money here" cards that are definitely cute enough to compensate for the impersonal green paper!

I mean... I'm in college... Money is great... Shoot, you help me pay my rent and you're my new favorite family member! 

So family, if you're reading this...  There will be no love lost if you forego stressful holiday shopping on my behalf. 

I promise I'm not a grinch-- I really have some holiday spirit (but that's another post for another day)!

Happy December, everybody. 

In your dreams...

I don't know if it's the after effects of massive turkey intake, the change in weather, or the looming thought of finals.... Whatever it is, it's been messing with my head, more specifically my subconscious.

I'm having some really strange dreams. A lot of them. And I'm remembering them, too.

For the past week (at least) I've been able to remember at least one of the incredibly vivid and bizarre dreams I have each night... Is that normal?

Like I said, some of these dreams are just typical nightmares (if there is such a thing), but others are kind of weird... Regardless, I'd be leading y'all on if I didn't share...

A few days ago, I dreamt that I had missed a deadline on an application I've been waiting on since the beginning of the school year. When I talked to the director of the program I was applying for, he was really mean to me (not like him in real life at all) and told me to forget about it. Oh, it was bad.

The next night, I dreamt that I had enrolled in some art history class, and all the teacher did was walk us students through the Union here on campus and explain the history of all of the pictures on the walls (if you've been there, you know that would take far more than a semester). She was really mean and I got yelled at for bringing my family to class with me (of course i didn't invite them, they just appeared. In dreams you never actually do what you're being accused of). She also assigned us a 40 page paper that was due during the next class. Yikes.

The night before last I dreamed that two people (that shall remain nameless) formed a campus group here at OU called "We Hate Frances" and tried to get all of my facebook friends (seriously) to join. The dream ended with my friends and I fighting the club members in the parking lot of Wal Mart.

Last night though, I had two that I can remember. This is the normal less weird one:

I dreamt that I was jumping on a trampoline, and above me were a bunch of flowers and balloons, and I had to jump as high as I could to reach the flowers and balloons.

This is the weird one:

I dreamt I stole someone's baby (I can't make this up).. I was just sitting in the room with the kid one minute, then the next I was standing in my mom's garage holding it. I freaked out and had no idea what possessed me to steal a baby, so I ran into the house to return the kid to it's rightful owner. When they asked me why I stole the baby, I told them I didn't know. They all thought I was crazy and proceeded to lock me in a room by myself. While I was in there, I remembered where I had taken the baby:

Narnia. 

I swear. You know, the lion and the closet and the kids? Yeah. I stole a baby a took it to Narnia. Apparently Narnia needed help fighting off some evil woman and I was their only hope (and the baby had to come too). I fought the evil woman with Aslan the lion, and my weapon of choice was a rotten apple that created a forcefield around her so she was trapped. Epic nerdness.

Yeah... But perhaps the weirdest thing about all of these dreams is that they all have a common element.

Do you guys sometimes have scenes in your dreams that don't necessarily belong in the rest of your dream? I've had that same oddball scene appear in all of these dreams.

I'm looking though my living room toward the kitchen in my mom's house, and there, sitting in a chair, is Captain Hook. 

He looks different depending on the type of dream I'm having. If it was one of the nightmarish ones, he was really scary looking and was creepily staring at me. In the not-so-nightmarish dreams, he looked perfectly normal (you know, normal for a pirate villain), and he would be mindnig his own business or reading the paper.

So for the past week, if I didn't wake up in a cold, anxious sweat, I woke up scratching my head...

Curious beyond belief, I went online and looked around to find meaning to all of these dreams. Turns out a lot of these weird things that have been going on in my head mean something. Here's what I found:

• Dreaming about battles or fights (like with the evil woman or the "we hate frances" club) suggest that one is overworked or overly stressed.

• Babies in dreams symbolize innocence and newness... 

• If you steal something in your dream, that probably means you're deprived of whatever it is your stealing... 

• Meeting your enemies in a dream suggests you're drealing with opposing ideals or even being in denial about something. 

• Jumping in dreams (like in the trampomine dream) suggests that you want to take risks and go for something big.

• Flowers symbolize beauty and happiness.

• Balloons represent celebrations and happiness as well, or could be a manifestation of your inner child.

• Fruit in dreams (like the rotten apple) signify abundance and growth (but it was rotten... hopefully that's not bad).

• Lions in dream suggest agression, leadership, and strength.

• And finally, friends in dreams (not facebook friends, but actual friends) represent rejected aspects of your personality that you're beginning to accept. 

They didn't have anything on Captain Hook or Narnia, though. Bummer.

Oh well! So readers, do you think I'm going crazy? Have you seen any of these things in your dreams? Do you remember your dreams often? Let me know!

Let me paint you a picture.

I'm going to do my best to not ramble. I'm going to go on a itsy bitsy rant instead-- in the form of a short little story...

This happened while I was back at home sitting in the coffee shop or course, when a young boy around 13 came up to where I was sitting, and just started staring at this painting copy behind me on the wall. 

Look familiar?

He didn't seem to notice me, so I looked up from my computer and just watched him. He stared and stared at this painting copy on the wall, looking rather confused. He finally looked down and noticed me awkwardly gawking at him. He took a deep breath:

"D--Does that look familiar to you?" He gestured toward the huge painting. 

I looked from the woman in the painting back to the kid. Ummm, duh? 

I said nothing... He continues...

"I mean... I feel like I've seen it somewhere. Eh, maybe not."

Again, I said nothing. I just did one of these..

At this, the kid gave be a funny look, shrugged, and walked away. 

I don't blame the kid for his inability of recognize perhaps the single most famous work of art known to man...  I blame his surroundings. How in the world does a kid reach the seventh grade and not have a basic knowledge or understanding of art? I wonder if he can read music, or can tell me what a ballet shoes looks like.

Please keep arts in schools. 

"God is great, beer is good, and Enid is crazy."

I have a confession: I'm a little blog shy.

If you know me, you know I am a very animated storyteller (and if you don't know me personally, I guess you just learned something new today). Not only that but I have a lot of remarkably ridiculous and or hilarious stories to tell (look the tag line of my blog for goodness sakes). I just cannot get over some weird stigma that come with posting pieces of my life online for the world to see. I mean, it's not like I haven't done that already. 

But tonight I'm sure going to try. 

I went back home for Thanksgiving break (as most of you probably did). If you've never been to Enid, there are several things you should know:

1. We boast one of the largest Wal-Mart Supercenters in the nation.

2. The giant gazebo at Government Springs park is the best place in the world to swing dance. 

3. Enid is not pedestrian friendly unless you're downtown. Try finding a sidewalk, I dare you. 

4. Everything, save Walmart, bars, and IHOP, closes around 9 pm. 

5. Speaking of bars, there is a place very special to Enid called Scooters. 

Scooters is a country/western bar that, according to my mom, houses a very diverse and interesting night crowd. I can recall plenty of two stepping adventures my mom has had at this, until recently, mysterious place. 

So, Friday night my friend Leslie, boyfriend Cavner and I were sitting at a restaurant having a dandy time, when we reached a collective epiphany: it only makes sense that we go to Scooters tonight. 

Duh. How did we not think of this sooner?! Imagine the endless fun and enjoyment we could get from taking a stroll over there?

Yeah. Uh huh, right. 

So we piled into the car blasting the Beibz all the way (much to Cavner's dismay) to this mecca for Stetson wearin' dancin' fools. 

We walked in and immediately were greeted by a warm welcome. The man checking IDs (I expected this because we didn't look like bar folk waltzing in with our t-shirts and fleeces on) greeted us and took our cover and opened the register to get our change. This upset an older pair or ladies standing next to us who had arrived before us. 

"Hey!" One of them grunted in a raspy voice, "They can wait! We were here first!"

I told you, warm welcome. 

So we walked through the haze of smoke. There was a bar on the wall closest to where we came in, then a large dance floor took up the center of the place. Barstools, tables, and people lined the edges of the dance floor. On the opposite side of our entrance, there was another bar, and behind that, there were rows of pool tables.

Being the bright eyed, curious explorer I was, I decided that it would be a great idea for us to venture over to the pool tables.... Not so much. 

I glanced around. Nothing incredibly momentous was happening, so I made a declarative statement to the people I was with. 

"Well, I don't really see anything interesting going on back here, let's walk around some more."

Harmless, right? Think again. 

As the words left my mouth, some guy with a backwards hat and blonde eyebrows was standing a good six feet away from the three of us turned and looked at me like I had just dissed his girl (or SOMETHING). In short, he was offended. 

He looked at me, threw is arms up into that stance that's a mixture of "I don't know" and "Are you talkin' to me?!" He puffed out his chest and finished up his animalistic threat with a big solid "WHAT?!"

I looked at him almost as confused as he was offended, and followed my retaliative instincts by flashing the guy a big smile and two big fat thumbs up. Goodness. I don't know. 

Well, I immediately realized I had done something stupid, so I urged us away from the dude and his group of friends. Lucky for me, the threat of immediate danger was low due in large part to my boyfriend who could rip the guy in half. 

However, the confrontation continued from a distance because the guy kept staring at me, then he began recounting the horrific incident to his cronies. 

Again, the threat of imminent danger was low. Big scary boyfriend and scrappy sassy girl friend had my back. 

It wasn't until I was alone for half a second that this big bad backwards-cap guy made his move. I was walking out of the bathroom, not two steps away from Leslie, and homeboy walks by me, ducks his shoulder, and gives me a good nudge. I wavered in my steps a bit, but the sheer ridiculousness of this guy shoulder ducking to get at me gave me no other choice but to laugh out of pity. 

Does this give me permission to say I've been in a bar fight? Not that I want to...... I'm just..... curious.....

Of course this blonde eyebrow boy was wrong to shove me, but don't you just feel bad for him? I kind of do. But I would have really pitied him if he had done that in Cavner's line of vision. For now he can take his self-satisfying unprovoked baby tantrum home to his momma. Shoot. 

So relatively unscathed, I was hoping to escape from Scooters without any more trouble, but trouble's got a thing for me that just won't quit. 

As we continued this adventure through the bar, I heard Leslie yell a ways away to some friends. I walked up to the circle partially deaf from the loud music, my thoughts elsewhere (I was thinking about how in the world that dude got his eyebrows so bleach blonde). Then as luck would have it, one of the circle folk called out my name over the music. 

"Frances! Oh my gosh it's been soo long! Too long!"

Intoxicated. In front of me. In the flesh. 

"Whoa! Hello my first real boyfriend, better known as my first ever ex-boyfriend."

Well I didn't actually say that, I said his name.... This is more along the lines of what I was thinking while I was speaking. 

He said: "It's been so long! How are you? Who's this?"

I said: "Yeah! Yeah it has... Yeah! I'm good. I'm really good. Uhh... Yeah!"

I thought: "It really hasn't been too long. On the contrary, it hasn't been long enough. I'm uncomfortable. Who is this guy? Uhh.... I have to run away now."

Readers, I don't know about you, but one of my biggest fears, anxieties, awkward behavior catalysts is when my boyfriend meets happens to run in to my ex. Really? Really? 

Well, it was weird for me, but as far as everyone else went, things were fine. I mean, exbf was in a happy place and Cavner can talk to a wall. 

What seemed like ages and several awkward pauses in conversation later, the three of us escaped left the place better people laughing hysterically.. Did it make a good story? I think so, and I hope you did too. Will I go back, that's really still up in the air.

If I do, I'll let you know.

I just want to say...

Boomer Sooner!

(click the link, proudly hold your #1 in the air, and enjoy.)

I don't see a need to say more. Goodnight. :)

EVERY-BOD-AY: Shop! Shop! Shop! Shop! Shop-shop! Shop! Shop!

Today, I went where no every man holiday-crazed parent and grandparent has gone before...

Black. Friday. 

By no means was I up at the crack of dawn (on the contrary, I walked my turkey-stuffed self to bed just after 10 o'clock-- a first since I was about fifteen and slept until around 9:30). Despite the extra few hours of sleep, mom and I knew we had a big day of some serious Christmas shopping to do.

But it wasn't for us!

Every year my mom's office donates money towards gifts for an Angel family, or a family that doesn't have the means to buy their children many gifts during Christmastime.  And almost every year, my mom is the one that handles the task of shopping for the items on the kids' list. If you've ever shopped with her, you'd understand why. She's the queen of pinching those pennies (a trait I unfortunately didn't inherit)!

It the past, we've shopped for all ages, most being around ten years old. Plus, we usually shop for three, four, or maybe five kids. Maybe.

Not this year!

Our Angel family this year was really special. We were shopping for a woman that is taking care of her handi-capable 21-year-old daughter and nine grandchildren.

Yes. Nine. That's not a typo. NINE GRANDKIDS. Phew.

She's a better woman than me, that's for sure!

Oh, and what's even more fun? They're all under the age of five.

5 years old, 4 years old, 3 years old, 3 years old, 2 years old, 2 years old, 17 months old, 3 months old, and 1 month old.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I WAS.

So we set out with a size list and tons of caffeine happy feelings keeping us excited. The crowds were not terrible, the number of crazy people was surprisingly low (only one woman that was screaming about the jewelry department), and a good five hours later, we knocked out almost everything on our list, staying very well under budget (thank you doorbusters)! So, we're thinking about going out again tomorrow to pick out some toys and gloves for each of them.

Finally! Here are some picture of the serious swag we scored (and my rando family members):

Mom is so excited! 

This is organized, promise. 

All boxed up!

Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

So, after the mass amounts of food I've eaten today and the fatigue/ brain-deadness, I think I'll make this post short, sweet, and to the point. These are several things I'm thankful for:

• You. Because you read this, and you read this because you care, which makes me very happy. 

• My brother who is the funniest person in all the land. Wee!

• Despite all odds, Cavner got to enjoy thanksgiving dinner as opposed to staying on the rig all day by himself.  

• My bestest friends that keep me sane while I'm home, like my bedlam best friend and those that brave Scooters with me ( I have to tell you all about that).

• My ballroom dancing class because I actually like being a sandbagger and the cupid shuffle.  

• OU.... the greatest place in the world. 

• I'm a pretty big fan of thanksgiving food. sooooo much turkey..... sooooo goooooooood. 

• My family. They are crazy, but so much fun. I mean, what other family has lottery scratch-off cards at the dinner table? (congrats on winning 30 dollars, Mom!)

• Football. it wouldn't be thanksgiving (or fall in general) without it.

• All of the people that text me happy thanksgiving to me... Mass text or not, it brought a smile to my face.

• I'm thankful for my awesome roommates who are totally the best roommates ever. Really. 

• I'm thankful for Jesus too, he made it all happen. 

Man, readers, that's one bamboozled list.. there are so many things I am eternally grateful for. I'm just having trouble stringing sentences and thoughts together. And this here internet out in the boonies is not letting me upload any fun pictures (which will be added later) .. But I couldn't leave you out in the cold on challenge day 1!

So, what are you all thankful for? Did you guys stuff yourselves as much as I did? I sure hope so!

But for now friends, I think I will leave you this short list (I plan to add more later), and make my way back to the table to peruse for more pumpkin roll.  Mmmmmmmm pumpkin roll.