"It doesn't matter if you're home-schooled, from a public school or whatever, no one really has great social skills."
My friend Steven inspired this post by saying that in our PW class last week. Of course, that's a little paraphrased, but you get the general idea.
Readers, this weekend I've realized just how socially awkward I am. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure it's a dynamic combination of a million different things.
For one, I'm all over the place with my thoughts. Fun fact? the human brain thinks at 400 words a minute and we speak at around 180 words a minute (but I'm sure with the Oklahoma drawl it's more like 130). So, usually my words don't line up with what I really want to say. Awkward.
Also, one of my favorite things to do is make other people laugh. So in order to do that, I have to say funny things, right? Generally. Usually I'm able to get laughs out of people, but every now and then I get ahead of myself and just start babbling, and rambling, and blah blah blah... No one laughs, but that's because it's not funny! I even know it's not funny, I just keep mindlessly pouring out words EVEN THOUGH I know no one is going to laugh... It's just like.... Word vomit. Reference:
Also, my attitude and personality is anchored almost too much on the people around me. For instance, if I'm in a room with people that are more reserved than me, I turn into the loudest and most outspoken in the room, and I usually make people laugh. Like camp, for example.
Not [really] awkward.
Other times (much like this weekend), I've been around people that are immediately louder and more in-your-face than I am. When in contact with people like this, something really strange happens: I try my best to maintain enthusiasm and my normal happy self, but the other person's energy sucks me dry like a dementor to my soul, and I end up being that quiet creeper in the corner.
I can't figure out what exactly it is about the last one, but it's definitely the one that bothers me the most. Why do I freak out and get weird around people that are, in essence, a lot like me, maybe just more?
Why do I let them suck out all of my enthusiasm? I don't get it! Is it insecurity, intimidation, fear or inadequacy? Shyness, self-consciousness, lack of confidence? I don't know!
Is there just something wrong with me?
Whatever it is, I'm really trying to find a way around it. Has this ever been you? Have you ever felt really awkward around people and you don't know why? What did you do about it?
Did I ask enough questions?