Sunday, December 5, 2010


"It doesn't matter if you're home-schooled, from a public school or whatever, no one really has great social skills." 

My friend Steven inspired this post by saying that in our PW class last week. Of course, that's a little paraphrased, but you get the general idea.

Readers, this weekend I've realized just how socially awkward I am. Ugh. 

I'm pretty sure it's a dynamic combination of a million different things. 

For one, I'm all over the place with my thoughts. Fun fact? the human brain thinks at 400 words a minute and we speak at around 180 words a minute (but I'm sure with the Oklahoma drawl it's more like 130). So, usually my words don't line up with what I really want to say. Awkward.

Also, one of my favorite things to do is make other people laugh. So in order to do that, I have to say funny things, right? Generally. Usually I'm able to get laughs out of people, but every now and then I get ahead of myself and just start babbling, and rambling, and blah blah blah... No one laughs, but that's because it's not funny! I even know it's not funny, I just keep mindlessly pouring out words EVEN THOUGH I know no one is going to laugh... It's just like.... Word vomit. Reference: 


Also, my attitude and personality is anchored almost too much on the people around me. For instance, if I'm in a room with people that are more reserved than me, I turn into the loudest and most outspoken in the room, and I usually make people laugh. Like camp, for example.  

 Not [really] awkward.

Other times (much like this weekend), I've been around people that are immediately louder and more in-your-face than I am. When in contact with people like this, something really strange happens: I try my best to maintain enthusiasm and my normal happy self, but the other person's energy sucks me dry like a dementor to my soul, and I end up being that quiet creeper in the corner. 

Really. Awkward. 

I can't figure out what exactly it is about the last one, but it's definitely the one that bothers me the most. Why do I freak out and get weird around people that are, in essence, a lot like me, maybe just more?
Why do I let them suck out all of my enthusiasm? I don't get it! Is it insecurity, intimidation, fear or inadequacy? Shyness, self-consciousness, lack of confidence? I don't know!

Is there just something wrong with me? 

Whatever it is, I'm really trying to find a way around it. Has this ever been you? Have you ever felt really awkward around people and you don't know why? What did you do about it? 

Did I ask enough questions?


  1. At least you aren't deaf. I'm usually don't really feel like talking unless I think I've got something important to say, which isn't that often. Add in the fact that I'm half deaf and can't really hear what's going on in most social situations, and I turn into that silent dude in the corner with a guitar or sitting by the stereo who never talks to anyone. And then people wonder why I don't like going to big parties.

  2. "sucks me dry like a dementor to my soul"
    I love that imagery! :D

    And thanks for quoting me. I got +10 happy points!

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Sometimes we all find ourselves off-our-game, being loud, saying things we normally wouldn't say, feeling shy and introverted in crowds--we all have off-social days.

    One time I saw a video of myself at a party--and I had been chewing my food with my mouth open. I was 16 years old! AAAH! So embarrassing. I was utterly horrified.

    We all have awkward moments. Just make the best of them, laugh about them, and make good blog posts about them.